WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ‘OVER HELPING’
“Look before you leap” is a great saying when it comes to helping others!
Is ‘Over – Helping’ actually a thing?
OMG YES!!! Good golly ….ABSOLUTELY!!!!
I am here to tell you ‘Over – Helping’ can TOTALLY land you in hot water. I am not kidding!
Let me just save you mountains of wasted time & a river of heartache and clue you in here.
Most of us have an altruistic desire to help our fellow ‘man’ but I caution you to draw the line at OVER – HELPING!
Service to others is lovely but let me caution you that there is a fine line between this & ‘Over – Helping’!
Within two Months the three people I bent over backwards to help were all complaining, giving me grief, negative feedback & resenting me.
Why does this happen?
Let’s break it down.
People are complex. You would think that most people would want you to help them. That they would appreciate genuine support & help.
And certainly sometimes they do. Sometimes people are kind & grateful.
However, there are some people who are in a “fix” & let me assure you they are in a “fix” for a reason.
Deep down… subconsciously… a percentage of the population are creating their life of problems, for a reason.
It does not matter what you do to help they simply cannot climb out of the messy life creation they have manifested.
Admittedly I have had a pattern of ‘Over – Helping’ in my life. However, in my most recent experience of ‘Over – Helping’ the error of my ways has all became clear.
Also professionally, one can be paid to help (that is naturally what you do to the best of your ability & Coaching skills) but one must be mindful of not overstepping into the personal spheres of ‘Over – Helping’!
Case 1: She was a single mum & needed a Coaching / Healing Session for her child. I dropped my prices right down.
They had been through some life challenges and aside from helping them in other ways I made myself available when needed with a super cheap Session to help.
I drove a long way to and from the Session. It ended up being a long Session at such a cheap rate that it was barely even worth a cent to me.
Barely covering the petrol costs! I justified it to myself saying that I had helped the family somehow. But lo & behold, a short time later when she noticed my posts
to promote my work she sent me a scathing message saying that I was being too money-oriented and that the reason she had left her last Coach was for that very reason.
I took a deep breath & chose not to retaliate … and of course a short time later she wrote me another conciliatory message saying my Coaching work was still ‘miraculous’
in it’s results & could she receive my help again?
I responded with a polite “No longer available” & “All the best”.
As the Universe likes to teach us lessons (which at a Higher level we have chosen to learn for ourselves) until we learn them properly …
this same test repeated itself three times with three people in total. UUUggghhh!
So by the third repeating pattern of ‘Over – Helping’ I have heeded the Call.
Hopefully I am now cured.
Being a compassionate person you can, of course, help people, but PLEASE do not make the mistake of OVER- HELPING people.
It is not worth it!
This does not work.
Why is this?
Four points come to mind here;
1. Among other things it is a depletion of the most valuable resource we have – TIME!
2. It is emotionally draining!
3. You are not allowing people to make their own mistakes which can often be THE source of true growth!
4. People can resent you for your efforts!
So next time when someone invites you to OVER- HELP them to the Nth degree & for example…
-Make or Borrow Money
-Somehow Fix Their Whole Life
-Sort Their Social Media Forever
-Find Them Jobs forever on a personal basis
and generally revamp their entire EXISTENCE solely from the goodness your heart (& I am talking about not in a reciprocal, professional capacity)
please… I beg you… express a resounding “NO!” in whatever way you can.
Alternatively … RUN … FAST… (preferably) in the opposite direction.
Do not hesitate.
Let my learning be your learning!
My misguided enthusiasm to “over help” in the world around me is now complete.
If my words today have made a difference to one life, in a way that would have benefitted me
if I had read this article previously, then my work here is done.
I have then helped (but not OVERLY!!!!)
Choose well my friends…